What Happened and Where I Want To Go

The past few weeks have been interesting for me. Honestly, if I really think about it, the last two years have been an interesting ride. On Sunday, I was driving to Las Vegas to start a short family vacation. Driving time is my favorite time to think. I drive daily for work, and when I do, my brain is usually locked in. Long drives, though, give me space.

Somewhere on that drive, I started thinking about my porn career and asking myself what I was actually doing. I’ve been filming gay porn for over six years, and last year I started filming trans porn. As someone who is bisexual/queer, I like to shoot what I like—which, honestly, is everything. The problem with that approach is that I became overwhelmed.

Last year, I worked more than I have in years. For six months straight, I was pulling 60–70 hour work weeks. Between that and trying to split my focus between gay content and trans content, I hit a breaking point.

That drive was actually going to be the beginning of my quitting post—the one I was planning to publish on my websites. I was ready to officially quit after canceling all of my planned work during the AVNs. I say I was going to quit, though, because this past week I finally got a chance to breathe, and I realized I can’t walk away. I still have too many things I want to accomplish.

Before I go any further, I need to publicly apologize to the people I canceled on at the last minute. I know I fucked up people’s schedules. I know I made myself look like a complete idiot and a flake. But I truly needed to step away when I did. Not only did it give me space to breathe, it also removed me from a situation that I believe would have caused more harm than the late cancellations did. I won’t go into details, but I will say that stories I later heard from the AVNs reaffirmed my decision.

I work hard at creating porn—honestly, harder than I work at my day job. The creative outlet porn has given me is something I’ve never had and never will have in construction. Porn has been the most rewarding thing I’ve done creatively. It feeds that part of me, and it’s also given me a connection to the queer community that I generally don’t have in my day-to-day life.

Through photography, videography, and now podcasting, I’ve found everything I want and need within this industry. But all of that has also created extra work—work I simply don’t have time for. I was trying to figure out how to save time while still moving toward my goals.

That’s what I was thinking about on Sunday when I pulled the plug. I felt overwhelmed, and I felt the need to protect myself and the side business I’ve built.

Before I talk about what’s next, I want to say a few things about the plans I had. While I’ve already apologized privately to the people I was planning to work with, I want to do so publicly as well. I take this seriously. This is a job to me. It might not always look that way from the outside, but canceling last minute was not a decision I made lightly.

So to those I canceled on: I’m truly sorry. We had plans—or were in the process of finalizing them—to create content together. I was going to film and edit; you were going to perform. By canceling, I took away what I was supposed to provide. I tried to fix things where I could, but I know it wasn’t the same as being there. I can’t fully undo that mistake, but I am genuinely sorry for the impact I had on so many people.

There is one person in particular I really failed: the gorgeous Kalli Grace. I more or less hijacked her schedule. I was incredibly excited to work with her, and she was the person I wanted to launch some of my new content with. I had ideas for scenes that would highlight her beauty and show off all of her features in the way they deserve. The photo concepts, the looks we discussed, and the inspiration I had lined up genuinely excited me.

If you don’t know who she is, I have her permission to share an Instagram photo and an X photo from her account. She accepted my apology, and I truly hope I get the chance to work with her in 2026. I would love for her to be part of what I have planned.

Only a few people close to me know what I ultimately want to achieve with all of this, but I want to put it out into the universe now. I have goals. When I retire from my day job, I want to run a studio as a real business. I want to make money for myself, yes—but more importantly, I want to help sex workers.

I’m a union member in my day job. My family and my in-laws are union people. Any business I run will take care of the people I work with. When I launch my studio, it will be because I can pay models fairly for their time and offer profit sharing on the content we create together.

Kalli with one of her co-stars. Silas Stone is someone I have worked with a few times and he is fucking awesome and I work with him whenever I can.

Until then, I’m going to be doing content houses—with a story. I have two planned for this year (more info later), and each one will revolve around a narrative. That story will become a movie sold on select adult platforms, and profits will be shared among all creators involved. Creators will also be free to post their individual scenes on their fan pages in the way they normally would.

I also have a phone call coming up with someone from AdultEmpire.com to talk through these plans, which I’m genuinely excited about. What’s next for my content—especially the work centered around trans girls and the people they film with—feels right. And for the first time in a while, it feels sustainable.